


4st 7lb

by thedragonyoumustnottickle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:59:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2394389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedragonyoumustnottickle/pseuds/thedragonyoumustnottickle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I eat too much to die and not enough to stay alive.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sitting in the middle, waiting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4st 7lb

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably my fave hp fanfic i've ever written.
> 
>  
> 
> even though i wrote it when i was twelve and sad as fuck.

_I eat too much to die and not enough to stay alive._

_I'm sitting in the middle, waiting._

_~ Manic Street Preachers - 4st 7lb_

* * *

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

I'm waiting for the noise to end. I'm waiting for the silence to start. 

 

Though the silence would be too quiet for my thoughts.

 

It never does end. It just goes on and on and on. Never stopping. A constant reminder of where I am and what I've done.

 

Not that I need another reminder.

 

I just feel my stick-thin body, dig my nails into the knife sharp bones of my spine, look around at the worried faces that have never left my side since I came here, see the disappointed glance they aim at me when they think I'm not looking, their faces when i drop another pound.

 

And it all comes rushing back.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_6st_

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so proud of myself. I've finally reached my target weight!

 

it would be useful to lose a few more pounds though. In case I'll want to treat myself.

 

Unlikely, but better safe than sorry.

 

Yeah. I think that's what I'll do.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 12lb_

 

 

 

 

 

It's been a week.

 

I stand in front of the mirror and trace every inch of bone I can see.

 

My third rib appeared yesterday.

 

It's still not enough.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 10lb_

 

 

 

 

 

My skin is now cling-film on my bones.

 

Clinging on to me for dear life.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 8lb_

 

 

 

 

 

"People have ears you know."

 

I jump. Did I forget to lock the door?

 

I turn around to see Cho standing there.

 

"When you're in public, flush the toilet while you're doing it. When you're at home or in the dormitory, put the tap on. When you're alone, lock the door at least."

 

She says this all with no emotion. Like she's repeated it over and over again so the words become meaningless.

 

I stand there. Shocked.

 

She gives me a nod. As if to say "You're welcome" and walks off.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 6lb_

 

 

 

 

 

"What's wrong Hermione dear? You haven't touched your food. It's your favourite."

 

I would have liked to have said that I was on a diet.

 

Problem is, diet's not a big enough word.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 4lb_

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas. The happiest time of year.

 

Not for me.

 

The snow ruins it.

 

I can see my footprints.

 

It soils it's purity.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 3lb_

 

 

 

 

 

It's not about weight anymore.

 

Maybe it never was.

 

It's about control.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 2lb_

 

 

 

 

 

My vision's getting blurred. 

 

I can see all my ribs.

 

My hands are trembling stalks.

 

I can feel my breasts sinking.

 

But I'm fine.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st 1lb_

 

 

 

 

 

Mum tries to choke me with the left over turkey from Christmas.

 

Dad says it's the way I'm built.

 

Everyone else disagrees.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_5st_

 

 

 

 

 

They took me to hospital today.

 

Not that I knew that when I got in the car.

 

I would have ran if I had.

 

Not that I would have gotten very far.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_4st 10lb_

 

 

 

 

 

The faces are still staring at me.

 

The doctors and nurses.

 

The fat scum that pamper me so.

 

Mum and Dad.

 

I hope they'll be happy after I'm gone.

 

The Weasleys.

 

My second family.

 

Cho.

 

I never got round to thanking her.

 

Ron and Harry.

 

I'll miss them the most.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_4st 9lb_

 

 

 

 

 

I've finally come to understand life.

 

Through staring blankly at my navel.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_4st 8lb_

 

 

 

 

 

They've told everyone I'm getting worse. That I can't be helped if I lose any more weight.

 

They don't get it though.

 

I'm not getting worse.

 

I'm getting better.

 

 

 

 

 

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

 

_4st 7lb_

 

 

 

 

 

I'm finally alive

 

 

 

 

 

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

**Author's Note:**

> check out my [tumblaaaaa](http://garethbail.tumblr.com/)


End file.
